How to Dominate the Lockdown

We’ve made it through more than half of 2020. Summer is ending, fall and the new school year are starting. By now I don’t think anyone would disagree that living through a pandemic is a stressful time. And it’s not just because of the most obvious concern: being exposed to the novel coronavirus that causes COVID-19.

There are plenty of other stress inducers; social distancing, mask wearing, working from home, distance learning and quarantining to name a few. COVID-19 has stripped control and predictability from us. We can’t do the things we want, and there’s no sign of when it all will end.

The result: we’re anxious, stressed, depressed and overwhelmed. Many of us are trying to work and parent and keep households running. Ultimately, we’re just trying to get through it all in the best way we can.

Several experts at Duke University offered tips for coping in these challenging times and getting back some control. Their primary advice is not to focus on what you can’t do, but on what you can do.

“It’s important not to think about what ideally I’d be doing if the pandemic wasn’t going on,” said Kyle Bourassa, a clinical psychologist at the Center for the Study of Aging and Human Development at Duke University Medical Center. “Instead, think about what realistically I can do.”

Keeping on Track

It is very easy to slip into unhealthy routines where you are stressed. But the experts say there are some things you can do to take control of your personal life and improve your outlook.

• Create daily routines and daily lists. It helps you stay on task and stay focused.
• Think of small things you can do to move you in the direction you want to go. For example, if your normal routine of going to the gym is gone, can you do 20 push-ups or walk about the neighborhood instead.
• Take care of yourself. Focus on healthy behaviors, such as exercise and healthy meals. Better yet, add exercise into your daily routine.

Support Yourself with Sleep

When you are stressed, sleep takes a hit, whether it’s going to sleep or staying asleep. The trouble is that sleep is one of the ways your body relaxes, makes sense of the day, and eases stress.

“Having a set time when you go to sleep and when you wake up is important for children and adults,” said Robin Gurwitch, professor of Psychiatry and Behavioral Sciences at the Duke University School of Medicine and Director of Parent-Child Interaction Therapy at the Center for Child and Family Health. “It’s also important for adults and children to do something calming before going to sleep.”

• Get in a sleep routine.
• Make sure the environment you are going to sleep in is conducive to sleep. Dark. Quiet.
• No checking phones before bed.
• Avoid caffeine late at night.

Balancing Work and Parenting

Unfortunately, there is nothing in the parenting manual that provides directions on how to raise children in a pandemic.

“Stop and breathe. Just let a few seconds go by,” advised Timothy Strauman, a professor of Psychology and Neuroscience at Duke. “It’s just hard to work from home. It’s really hard for those of us who aren’t trained as educators, to educate. It’s hard to do childcare. And it’s impossible to do all those things at the same time.”

• Accept you can only do what you can do. There are going to be some great days, some ‘we could have done better days’, but those eight- and ten-hour workdays aren’t going to happen on Zoom or when you have children.
• Take a deep breath. Sometimes it’s the most effective way to give your conscious mind a chance to stop and take in what is happening.
• Realize that social relationships are very important for children. Brainstorm how children can see their friends, either virtually or socially distanced.

Reconnecting with Personal Values

The pandemic has provided an opportunity for families and individuals to assess what’s really important and to think about their own values and their families’ values.

“What can we realistically control?” asks Strauman. “No matter how much uncertainty is around us, we have values as individuals and as families. Those are the things that guide us when we make decisions. Those values can really be a touchstone at a time when so much is unpredictable and out of our control.”